It’s the most wonderful time of year! You know, the time of year when corporations formally show you that they have been monitoring your every move, but don’t worry--they make it fun! After all, nothing goes better with your holiday festivities than justifying to yourself that it’s perfectly fine to have played over 100 hours of Elden Ring. (No mom, I don’t have a problem! Definitely not.)
Why do we like these year end reviews so much? Do they make us feel like we’re getting to know the most important person in our life (ourselves)? Do we enjoy that feeling of superiority if we have streamed more minutes of music than that one friend from high school that we haven’t spoken to in years? Also, while we’re asking questions…who was your top artist on Spotify this year? (Mine has been Tyler, The Creator for the last 3 years.)
There are three kinds of people when it comes to year end reviews:
The Superfan - No one ever needs to ask the superfan anything about their year-end review because they already told you everything as soon as it was available. They will also go the extra mile and fill you in on all the small stats to go with their regular top 5 of whatever-the-hell they spend their free time on. Yes, we get it, you loved Stray for PS5 and you contributed 1 million of the 1 billion meows that were supposedly meowed by crazy cat people all over the world playing the cat video game. (These are real stats).
The Average Joe - Opens up their Spotify wrapped every year, is disappointed, but shares it to their IG story anyways.
Parents of Kids Who Use Their Account - Do these people a favor and leave them alone at this time of year. They had to listen to “We don’t talk about Bruno” way more than one person should ever be asked to listen to that song. For the record, I don’t think that song is bad. But could you imagine little Johnny begging you to put it on every day? Kids are persistent. Never underestimate ‘em.
Ok I lied. There is also a fourth person. A special, annoying, and awful fourth person. They’re not worth mentioning in the same breath as the other three normies because this is the person that shames other people for sharing their interests. Jesus Christ. How miserable do you have to be to actively hate on people sharing things that made them happy in our extremely messed up and broken world? So what if Jill listened to All Too Well (Taylor’s Version, of course) 5 times on February 14?
Ok that’s it, I promise. What other person did I miss? What were your year end reviews like? Do you regret all your life decisions now or are you happy with them? Are you happy in general? Maybe stay subbed if any of that was a no.
Happy Trails!